When Light is Dark

A Great and Wonderful Yogi Living Master : Sadhguru

The idea of this article comes from a video of Sadhguru entiteled "Enlightenment or Endarkenment? Which is Right?"  This video reminded me of an Osho discourse  about Darkness and Light. It also reminded me a documentary about the Sun and suggested to me an analogy between the Photon journey from the core of the Sun and a Human Being journey in this Life. Enjoy the reading and the videos !

1- Invisible Light

In this video, the amazing Yogi and Living Master, Sadhguru explains that Enlightenment or any other word is just a signpost used to indicate which cannot be described by any word from this world. Sadhguru talks about light which remains invisible unless it is reflected by something. In fact photons, the little particles of energy, transporting what we call light, are simply invisible ... unless they hit an object. This object can be either your eye if you’re looking at the source of the photon; or it can be any material object reflecting the photons. The photon materialize itself for the eye when it hits an object, otherwise it is invisible.

The astronauts in the outer space far from the atmosphere are in complete darkness even when the sun is shining. The absence of the air and little particles of dust in suspension in it, they can't see sun's rays. So in the outer space there is no light. It's absolute darkness, despite trillions of photons and other energetic particles are traveling from every where ! It's an amazing thing that light and darkness are so entangled ! In the absence of any object, light is not distinguished from Darkness, it melts with it.

In a beautiful discourse, Osho talked about Darkness as  "The Substance Existence is Made Of". Not only Light is dark but "Darkness is a Deeper Phenomenon than Light" said Osho. Light goes on and off, but Darkness is always there. Light has some source generating it, but Darkness is Eternal. Sadhguru continued in the same manner: Light has the biggest speed known in this world, but still has a limited speed and needs time to travel from point A to point B. But Darkness is every where.

Composition of the Universe upon NASA WMAP probe

In fact Darkness is the symbol of the unknown for humanity. In Science we call “Black hole” this phenomenon we try to understand and still blows up our physics equations. In Cosmology, Scientists are talking about Dark Matter and Dark Energy. In this NASA website, the latest measurements of WMAP probe demonstrate that only 4.6% of the stuff making the Universe is made of Atoms. 24% is Dark Matter, which is an unknown form of matter. Without considering it; all the Structures in the Universe like Galaxies will collapse. 71.4% is Dark Energy, which is an unknown form of energy. This energy is a kind of anti-gravity that goes on expanding the whole Universe.

Light is the source of all kind of Life we know on Earth. Without solar rays, it’s impossible for Life to be born and grow up on Earth. And if the Sun disappears, all forms of Life on Earth will die. But Darkness seems to be the womb of the Light, the matrix where Life can take place. Without Darkness, nothing can ever take place …

2- The Photon's Journey and The Seeker's Path

In this Documentary entitled "Journey From The Center of the Sun", the journey of photons born in the core of the Sun is described. Generated from nuclear reactions, photons are produced as high energetic Gamma Rays. They leave Sun’s Core at light speed but are immediately faced with very dense and chaotic upper layers of the Sun. The photons bounce here and there, are absorbed by this atom and then ejected to be caught by the other atom and so on. At each absorption/ejection a part of its energy is absorbed until it attains the Sun surface as a low level energy photon we called Visible Light. This journey between the generation at Sun’s Core and Liberation at the surface of the Sun could take thousands of years and even a billion years ! After that the photon can head towards a planet of solar system  or travel across the entire universe and melt with it!

When I saw this documentary for the first time, tears came to my eyes and I started crying like a child. I didn’t realize then why this journey of photons touched so deep my heart. Now I can see the parallel I can make with human Consciousness journey in this Life.

The real self of a human being is his Consciousness, his Awareness. We can’t define it or grasp it but we can make an analogy with the photon, the Particle of Light. 

• Like the photon, our Consciousness travels and hits various kind of Life forms, from the more dense, like the rocks to the more subtle like human being body and mind. 
• Like the photon, it can be a very long journey from the dense core of the Sun before the liberation at the surface of our home star. The same with our Consciousness, it evolves from the extra dense to the ultra subtle before it realizes its Liberation, its Enlightenment. 
• Like the photon, our journey seems to be an endless and chaotic journey, but in fact it is pulled with an invisible force towards the surface, towards the Liberation. 
• Like the photon which is absorbed by atoms before its ejection, our consciousness is absorbed by various kind of Life until the last and most evolved form of Life, the human being. During this temporary merging with Life forms, we can lose ourselves and be identified with the temporary form, but we should know that our Consciousness is eternal, unbound and aiming to its ultimate merging with the entire Universe.

Of course this analogy with Light or Photon is just a metaphor. Let's not seek any truth in it. Truth is to be searched deep inside each one of us. Without any preconceived idea. The entire Universe is reflected within us. Just let's close our eyes, relax our body and mind. Then wait.  Let's our Consciousness accommodate with Emptiness. Let's our inner eyes accommodate with Darkness, the Source of all what is.

Are You Enlightened ?

The Spiritual Magic Quadrant (see below in this article)

The answer of this question is simple : Yes, every human being is already enlightened !  There is nothing lacking in his being. But the real question is “have you Realized your Enlightenment ?”. Of course, very few persons in all history of this planet have realized their enlightenment. So, this article is about Enlightenment Realization. It first tries to define in general terms this state of human consciousness. Then we will see the process leading to the realization of her or his enlightenment. In the conclusion, we will discuss The Light Criteria. These are questions meant to help us having an insight into our own state of consciousness. There is no problem when you realize you enlightenment, you will know it for sure. But the danger is before this realization. You can stuck somewhere in the path. You may also have beautiful and realistic dreams. So the Light Criteria can help us avoid these pitfalls.

This article is divided into two parts and a conclusion, as follows :

Table of Contents

1- What is enlightenment ?

1.1- The Light Being

1.2- The Hollow Bamboo

1.3- The Consciousness Flower

1.4- The Religious

1.5- The Eternal

1.6- The Blissful

1.7- The Miraculous

1.8- The One

2- On the Path to The Realization

2.1- The Awakening

2.2- The Spiritual Magic Quadrant

2.3- Satori and Samadi

2.4- Enlightenment Pitfalls

2.5- The Master, A Guide In The Path

2.6- Masters and Frequency Holders

3- Conclusion : The Light Criteria

1- What is enlightenment ?

1.1- The Light Being

An enlightened person is a human being who has attained to clarity of Mind. He is no more darkened by any thought. All his being is crystal clear. There is no dark corner in his body-mind. A dark corner is a poetic image to describe some hidden patterns located deep down in the layers of mind and acting from there. So from time to time, these hidden patterns take possession of the human being who starts acting unknowingly and accordingly to these hidden mind blue prints. An enlightened being never acts like an automaton from learned memories or embedded thoughts or emotions. Instead he responds freshly to any situation. So he is as unpredictable as Life is.

1.2- The Hollow Bamboo

The great curse in human being is their ego. But the ego has no real existence; it is just the process of continuous thinking. And human beings are deriving their personality from thinking, from mind : their story, their family, education, beliefs, etc.
In the other hand, an enlightened human being has no more compulsive thinking. His mind is quite. He is using his mind when needed, otherwise, there is no need. So an enlightened person has no ego. He has disappeared as far as the individuality derived from mind is concerned. He has died to the past and never projects himself in the future. The psychological time has stopped for him. He lives in the present moment.
In this state of no thinking, the enlightened being becomes a hollow bamboo; in total tune with the Universe. And when the Universe, or God wants to express himself through this person, there is no hindrances. God can sing any song through him. The enlightened person is no more a doer. God's light shines through him.

1.3- The Consciousness Flower

The science can trace Life Evolution from the Big Bang with its tremendous, inconceivable and undifferentiated Energy to the richness and complexity of Life on Earth today. Human beings, on Planet Earth seam to be on the top of this evolution of Life. But the majority of humanity as we know it is not the last stage of evolution. Some rare individuals has attained the next step of evolution : the consciousness aware of itself. As human being we are conscious of the outer world. We can also direct our mind to observe itself, to analyze itself. But this is not a real self awareness. In fact when the subject (observer) and the object (observed) merge and become one, there is the self awareness of consciousness. And this the ultimate flowering of Life as we know it.

1.4- The Religious

All prophets are enlightened persons. All prophets tap in the same source. Of course when expressed in human languages and in different circumstances their teachings take different and often contradictory forms. But in fact the contradiction is just on the surface. Moreover, sometimes it is hard to bring some experiences to people with limited understanding. So the enlightened prophets use parables to facilitate the understanding or use them as signposts to the Truth. Later, these parables are interpreted literally and this one explanation why there are so many religions despite their unique source. Only an enlightened person is really a religious since he is all the time in tune with the Universe. We can also access this dimension temporarily. During these moments we are religious. True religion is not the practice of a ritual. No, rituals are just devices created by enlightened persons to help human beings accessing religiosity. They are not the goal but a mean.

1.5- The Eternal

An enlightened person realizes and knows first hand that his is not his body/mind, he is not the form Life has taken in him. His body is born and will die but he know that he is Life. He is never born and will never die. Time has stopped for him. He is in the eternal present moment witnessing the unfolding of his own life situation. An enlightened person realizes that his real being was always here and now, without any beginning nor any end. He realizes also that he is not separate from Life itself. So he has always enjoyed all life forms.

1.6- The Blissful

You can be happy, but happiness passes. You can enjoy experiencing an object, but this joy will subside when the object is no more or has lost its novelty. But blissfulness is out of emptiness. It is not a by product of any thing of this world. It is a flowering of meditation, of nothingness. Bliss comes out of the realization of his oneness with the whole Universe. The joy of Life bubbling everywhere in the Universe is simply felt in the core of the enlightened being.
Also the transcendence of Life itself and the communion with the Beyond is probably the real source of bliss.

1.7- The Miraculous

The enlightened person is no more as an ego. He is no more a doer. He is just a witness. And the miracles happen around him. He is attracting divine energy and dispatching it around him. The ego creates a barrier and no ego create a natural low potential energy attracting the Energy of Universe. Life is a miracle. Creation is an ongoing miracle. And an enlightened person is co creator with God. Not by doing. Just by being. Since he is available, vulnerable, Life uses him as a vehicle for its creations, its transformations.

1.8- The One

As human mind is concerned, we are not one but many. Our mind is a flux, a set of contradictory thoughts, each pulling us in its direction. But an enlightened person is one. He is no more identified with any idea, how can any thought pull him any more ? He is self centered and one. He has also a knowing, a realization that his is one with the whole Life, the whole Universe. This oneness is not an idea in his mind but his own realization.

2- On the Path to The Realization

2.1- The Awakening

The awakening is the most important milestone in the lifetime of a human being. Awakening simply means that the human being is no more totally identified with his mind. There are now breaches in his ego, aka identification with mind. He knows that he is not the content of his mind. The enlightenment is instant but the awakening is a process. During this process there is more and more dis identification from mind, but the human being can fall again and again in his sleep or his dream like life.
The awakening is a great blessing since the experience of life is far more better during the awakening process. The awakening is the real start of spiritual search. Many so called seekers are just in an ego trip. They are still identified with the content of their mind. But a real spiritual seeker don't believe any more what happens in his mind. Even when he is trapped in his mind, a moment later he is again aware of this trap. By this awareness he is no more fueling thoughts in his Mind. One day, when the natural conditions are there he will realize, instantly, his enlightenment. It is like heating or cooling water; when pressure and temperature are at the right amount, the water evaporates or crystallized instantly. The equivalent of heating/cooling is awareness. The more you are aware and dis identified from your mind the more you are nearer to “natural conditions” of enlightenment realization.

2.2- The Spiritual Magic Quadrant

The company Gartner has devised a technique for classifying businesses in information technology domains, called Gartner Magic Quadrant. I would like to use a similar presentation in spiritual matter, with the following picture :

The Spiritual Magic Quadrant

The horizontal axis is about Awareness and Knowing (not knowledge). When you go to the right you are more aware and you know deeper by your Being not your Mind.
The vertical axis is about Separateness and Happiness. When you go to the top you feel more oneness and more blissfulness.
So the four categories defined by this Spiritual Magic Quadrant are as follows:

1. The Happy Ignorants : they are all the living and creatures below the man consciousness. They are not aware of themselves and the world as the man is. In the other hand they have no ego, so they feel the oneness with the Universe and its consequence : blissfulness. In this category, animals are more aware then plants but the latter are less suffering.
   
2. The Unhappy Ignorants : this is the worse category : almost as ignorants as the animals but because of their ego, they are feeling separate from the Universe with its consequence : feeling threatened, unhappy and suffering. In the bottom of this category there is the Egoic  Man : he suffers the most and can't see reality as it is. He looks through thick clouds of thoughts, judgments, knowledge, scriptures, etc. He misses completely the reality. The Spiritual Seekers has less and less ego. The less is his ego the more is his happiness and the more is his knowing of the reality without Egoic Mind Distortion.
   
3. The Unhappy Knowers : all spiritual seekers attain to this category sooner or later. Their Mind become almost quite. They have clarity in their vision to reality since their Egoic Mind is almost nil. But there is still a slight ego giving the seeker still a feeling of separateness. He has not disappeared utterly. He is happier than the former category but he don't know real bliss. This state is very dangerous since the seeker has progressed tremendously in his path but he is still in the horizontal time line. He can still regress to the lower category. Many seekers stay stuck in this category for many lifetimes. They have not yet realized their enlightenment, even if they are far more advanced than the previous category. Here, the help of a master is needed to take the last jump.
   
4. The Blissful Knowers : This is the category of Enlightened Persons. In fact we are here in another dimension of consciousness which can't be depicted in a picture. Here the Man, fully aware and awakened, Knows Himself. He is also blissful. When arriving to this category, it is a vertical transition, we can't fall to a lower category. It is impossible. So An enlightened person can't any more “downgrade” himself to the unhappy man. But amazingly, because of the realization of oneness, he can express himself through a wind breeze, a cloud in the sky, a shining star, a blade of grass or even through a horse, a dog or a cat. He can shine through them, but he can't pass the layers of an egoic mind. This is perhaps the meaning behind parables of mystics coming as dogs or other animals.
   

2.3- Satori and Samadi

The Samadi in eastern traditions means the realization of one's enlightenment. It is like an explosion of consciousness who becomes aware of itself. It is self awareness. With his first Samadi a human being becomes an enlightened person. He can't regress to a lower level of consciousness. He is no more of this world. He can't any more be identified with any Mind or any Body. He is one with the source of Life. An enlightened person can have many Samadis. With each Samadi he is accessing greater levels of consciousness.
In Sufi tradition the equivalent of Samadi is “Al Fath الفتح” or “Opening”. A human being who has attained to “Al Fath” becomes “Aref billah عارف بالله” or “A Knower (of God)”. The enlightened person knows God. Knows Himself.

Satori in eastern traditions is a glimpse of Samadi. Sometimes when the conditions are there, the seeker realizes a silent mind. Realizes the blissfulness. Realizes the Oneness. In short, he accesses momentarily the Samadi or Enlightenment state. Even if it is not permanent, when a seeker has his first Satori it is a great event in his path. With Satori he knows what does it means Samadi. So he is confirmed in his search.
In Sufi tradition the equivalent of Satori is “Al Hal"  or "الحال" which can be translated as “State” or “Situation”. The word “Al Hal” has the meaning of impermanence like in the word Satori. So each seeker, becoming more and more aware of his being, he can have one or many Satoris. Each Satori is longer and deeper that the previous one. When he is ready, he has his Samadi. He is enlightened.
All enlightened persons don't have Satoris. They can have directly their Samadi and become instantly Enlightened.

2.4- Enlightenment Pitfalls

There are many pitfalls which can prevent a seeker from realizing his enlightenment. Here are some of them :

• blissfulness and silence : when the mind becomes more and more silent, there is a moment where almost no thought arises in human mind. This is a moment of great bliss, great peace. Very pleasant. And the seeker can stay there enjoying but his ego has not utterly disappeared. There is still a very slight ego. This is the trap : the seeker has to go ahead, to move, not to stay in this state. Since if he don't continue to the ocean, his calm and beautiful lake will soon loose his freshness and become rotten. Which means that the ego can again return to the command of his being.
  
• Fear the take the last jump : when the Samadi is there it is a total annihilation, an utter disappearance far more deep than any previous death. At this moment, the seeker can lack the guts to make the last jump... he will miss. Osho put this in a beautiful image when he said “That is the ultimate death. It appears like the ultimate death. Even the Ganges shudders, trembles before it falls; even the Ganges looks backwards, thinks of past days and memories, and the beautiful time on the plains and the tremendous energy phenomenon in the hills and the glaciers. At the last moment when the Ganges is going to fall into the ocean, it lingers a little while more. It wants to look back, think over memories, beautiful experiences. That has to be also watched. Don’t linger. When the ocean comes, allow: merge, melt, disappear !”
  
• Miracles doer : when the seeker starts having Satoris, many miracles can happen around him. He can also have new capabilities. Of course, he is not a doer. It happens because his ego is no more there to prevent what the Universe wants to do. But if the seeker think that he is a doer, that he can “use” or “exploit” his new capabilities, he is lost. He can still for a more little time “do” miracles, but he is fueling again his ego, and one day he will become again fast asleep with a new “spiritual” ego far more dangerous than the previous “materialist” ego.
  
• Mind Projections : this is perhaps the most hidden and hazardous pitfall. Since the Mind is threatened by the process of awakening and the Mind is very powerful, very cunning, it can lead the seeker in false routes, in beautiful ego trips painted with “spiritual” dreams. If really you “will” attain something, the Mind will create this thing for you. For example you know that “blissfulness” is a trait of an enlightened being, so your mind will make you happy. He will help you to believe that you are in continuous and eternal bliss. Even if there is sometimes real sadness, the Mind will help you repressing this sadness and saying to yourself “I am happy”. Or it can convince you that it is out of your compassion that you are sad : "You are sad because of other's suffering, but really your are blissful" ! So instead of taking this authentic sadness as a hint that you are still in the path, that you should navigate this ripple on the surface to go deeper in your being, you are not true to yourself and you prefer following your Mind Projection. I can't list here all Mind Projections that our mind can make to delude us, but if we are true to ourselves, if we are systematically doubtful about any thing we can see, grasp or understand with our Mind, we can avoid this trap.
  

2.5- The Master, A Guide In The Path

The master is a must for a seeker. You can't realize your enlightenment without the guidance of a master. The master can help you not to fall in the pitfalls exposed in the previous paragraph. Every seeker is confused since he has no more confidence in his mind. He knows very well that realizing the Truth is far beyond mind, how can he trust the mind ? So confusion is the natural consequence of taking the path to self realization. This is also a good criterion to know if you have not caught a new “spiritual” ego. If you are not confused, if you have crystal clear ideas about your path, then know well that your ideas are simply a newer ego. Be careful of this trap. So it is natural that you are confused as a seeker. The master is always here to send you, directly in your heart some signs to help you to be more confident and trust your heart. Confusion is still there in the Mind but the heart is more and more confident. He knows that he is on the right path.

We saw also that enlightenment is a natural phenomenon. It is an evolutionary state of Life which will come sooner or later to every human being. But the natural path can be very, very long. The master's teaching is a shortcut in the path to enlightenment realization. Otherwise the natural course of things can take countless lifetimes before awakening. But when you are awaken, there is no difference if you have realized it in one hundred or one billion lifetimes. When you realize your eternity, time has no meaning. But the master, when he sees our suffering, and he has realized the bliss, he wants to help us by his teaching to shorten our suffering. He is still a human being, he has just extinguished his ego, so he knows very well our problems, our suffering and out of compassion he offers us a shortcut in our natural path to enlightenment.

The great question is how to find a master ? With all fake gurus and false masters in this world, how can a seeker find a real master ? The answer is simple : you can't find a master. The master only can and will find you. There is always a master for a true seeker. The problem is not the fake master but the false seeker. You can be in presence of a real master and miss him. It happens all the time. So the first step to “find” your master is to be more and more aware of your mind, your emotions and listen to your heart. You have to develop the sensitivity to listen to the master present in your own heart. In the beginning the master's voice in your heart will be hardly audible. But by silencing your mind you will be more and more able to hear your master's voice. And when you are really ready to take the jump, the master will be there to guide you. In the Sufi tradition the master who appears systematically to every true seeker who becomes ready is named “Khidr or Khadir”. “Khadir” is not a historical person who guided Moses. No, it is a “generic” name of the master who appears to every seeker when the time is right.
So instead of searching for a master outside, start by hearing you inner master.

2.6- Masters and Frequency Holders

All enlightened persons are not masters. A master is an enlightened person who the Universe or God uses to spread a kind of teaching when the Universe knows it is useful to do so. But many enlightened persons are not known at all. They are persons living an ordinary life in their societies. They have no apparent contribution to humanity. In fact they are a great blessing for all the living on the Planet. Eckhart Tolle used to call them “Frequency Holders” since they are attracting and keeping stillness on Earth. Their light beings is capable, naturally, of pouring God's Love and blessing to all livings beings on Earth. So don't be deluded by the outside appearance of human beings. Some of them are really of the same caliber of great masters like the Buddha, Jesus or Mohamed but they live a simple and discrete life as shop keepers, artisans, farmers, etc.

3- Conclusion : The Light Criteria

The following criteria  :

• Are not meant to judge other's enlightenment. Since it is none of your business if others are enlightened or not.
• Are not meant either to know if you are enlightened. Since when you will realize your enlightenment, you will know it for sure and you will not need any kind of mind stuff, like this article, to know if you have really realized or not.
• But they can be helpful to know that you have not yet realized your enlightenment !

May I also remind you of the instant aspect of Realization Of Enlightenment. You cannot Realize progressively, in the time. It is timeless and instant. The process of awakening is in the horizontal time, you can progress (or regress) in this time-line. But when you Realize, it is a sudden shift from 0% to 100% with no intermediate states nor possibility of regression to a lower state of consciousness. So if one of the following criteria is not fulfilled, you have not realized. You are still a seeker on the path. You can be more or less advanced than others but you are still in this world, sharing the same level of “(un)consciousness” as the common earthling. Your ego is still there. But even the slightest ego can be a seed to a big strong ego ... later in the time.

The following Light Criteria are simply the opposites of the traits exposed in the first paragraph.

1. If you are still subject from time to time to a repetitive pattern of your being triggered by some external or internal stimulus, then you have not yet realized. No matter if you can repress this pattern and hide it from others. Be true to yourself. An enlightened person is aware of the pattern from its birth deep down in the layers of his being. He is watchful of it from the beginning and he can choose to play it or not. But he can't be trapped in a moment of non awareness and find himself playing, then repressing the mind pattern. In the criterion above I talked about “external or internal” stimulus. External is clear : an interaction with others provoke the Mind Pattern. The internal could be a simple thought coming to your mind and automatically triggering an internal reaction due to a hidden Mind Pattern.
   
2. If there the slightest thought that you are identified with, you have not yet realized. No matter if the thought is good or bad, spiritual or mundane. You can't have any mind definition of who you really are. If, for example, you have a clear idea in your mind of the “purpose” of your life, then you have not yet realized.
   
3. If there is still in yourself an “observer” and an “observed”, then you have not yet realized. The Realization is a strange state beyond conventional Mind where the energy which usually “shines” from mind to the objects to light them and know them. Instead of this linear light originating from the mind, in self realization, the light of the mind is turning back to know itself and merge with itself. This phenomenon is unknown for conventional human mind. So if you still conceive yourself as an object in your mind, be it a sophisticated object, be it the ultimate scientific conceptual object, then you have not yet realized.
   
4. If you are not a total witness of you own life situation, then you have not yet realized. If you are still a doer, not a witness of you own life, then you have not yet realized. If, for example, your body is asleep and you are not there as a witness enjoying seeing your body taking a rest, then you have not yet realized. If you are interacting in a usual life situation, for example talking to somebody and you are not there witnessing both the other and yourself while they are discussing, then you have not yet realized.
   
5. If you have not realized your eternity, then you have not yet realized. If the past and future are more meaningful than the eternal present, then you have not yet realized. If you can't see yourself witnessing your true Life beyond your birth and death of your body, then you have not yet realized.
   
6. If your blissfulness comes not out of emptiness, then you have not yet realized. If you are blissful because of some external or internal object, thought, situation, then you have not yet realized. The bliss of an enlightened person is flowing from nothing. If there is something behind your happiness, then you have not yet realized.
   
7. If you do miracles, then you have not yet realized. Miracles are bound to happen to an enlightened person, but he is not a doer. He is just a witness. If there is in you the slightest thought, pride or joy that you are, in some extent, behind some miracle;  either in your being or in your surrounding, then you have not yet realized.
   
8. If you are many, then you have not yet realized. Many start with two. If you see in this world at least two entities : yourself and the rest of the universe, then you have not yet realized. The enlightened person come to realize deeply, not to understand intellectually, that he is not separate from anything in this Universe. He realizes deep in his being that he is one with the blade of grass under his feet and one with the far galaxy in the sky. When you are one with something you can sense your influence on it and its actions on you.
   
9. If you pass successfully all the eight criteria exposed above, it is not a guaranty that you have realized since your Mind can make a story around all these subjects and make you believe in this story.
   

So no need to stress that it is almost impossible to say if you have realized or not until the last final step. And this is why a master is needed. To push you and prevent you from resting too soon. And this is also why your master will find you when you are ready to take the last jump. Not before. When the right time is there, you will die. Utterly die. A total annihilation. And when you are no more, you will be born as God. The Sufi poem says :

حتى تفنى فى الله *** ثم تبقى بالله

which can be translated “Until you disappear (fana) in God, then you stay (baqa) by/as God”. The literal translation of “بالله" is “by God” but I added “As God” since the Sufi Poems have always many layers of understanding. I have the feeling that the keyword here is “تبقى” from “baqa بقاء”and in Islamic tradition “Albaqi” is a name of God since He is the only Being who survives all other things in the Universe. So when you disappear, you become “Albaqi”, hence my translation “As God”.

What is the ego ?

Ego Dissolved by the Fire of Presence
Image created by free software Gimp using Noise Filter

Preamble

This is a spiritual, not a philosophical text. The main difference between the two forms of expression is the fact that a philosophical discussion concerns the mind only. The spirituality is existential. It concerns the core existence of the human being. It is all about the self transformation and has nothing to do with mind information. It helps you to unlearn mind patterns not to learn more knowledge. So you're warned dear reader : don't waste your time reading this text if you're not interested in ideas to be practiced in order to transform yourself. The goal is to be more still, more centered, more alert and more alive. Of course you may find some new information in this article, but instead of accumulating those ideas as knowledge in your mind, you can just play with them, try them, experience them in your day to day life. If it works, it's beautiful. If it doesn't work you can forget all about them.

I'd like to stress the fact that all ideas in this text are inspired by great teachers like Osho and Eckhart Tolle, are expressed in my simple language and are colored by my own humble experience.

Definition of Ego

The ego is in general associated with negative ideas like selfishness or to be self centered. But in spirituality and in Eckhart Tolle Teaching especially, it has a precise meaning : The Ego is the Process of Identification with Thoughts. There are two keywords in this definition : process and identification (with thoughts). So the first aspect of the ego is that it is a process, something dynamic and changing in the time. It is not a stable and unique state, it is a process. The second aspect is identification with thoughts or mind. Since the thoughts are continuously changing, the identification with them is also a flux, hence the dynamic aspect stressed previously. So, in spirituality, the ego has no moral definition, has nothing to do with religion, it is simply the process of identification with mind.

Almost in all cultures in Earth, we agree that a human being is not only the physical body. It is simple for us not to be identified with the body. But it is a far more challenging not to be identified with the contents of our mind. All our personal or collective memories and histories consist of thoughts and ideas in the mind. And we believe that we are those ideas : name, education, nationality, religion beliefs, etc. When the identification is so strong, some people are also ready to kill or to die for their ideas, for their beliefs, hence for the content of the mind. So the belief that we are this content is the ego. If you ask someone who is he, he will talk about his name, family, personal history, diplomas, degrees, etc. All that are thoughts in his mind and he is identified with them. This is the ego.

So what is wrong with being identified with the mind ? Why all spiritual teachers say that ego is the biggest curse for humanity today and a possible cause of our extinction as a species ? I'll expose below some diseases caused by the ego, either at the collective level or at the personal one.

The source of wars

Since the contents of human minds is all different, if we belief we are the mind, we also belief that we are different. But to be different could be a great quality if we think at it as an enrichment. But if we start believing that what we think is right and the other thinking is wrong, the seed of all wars and other calamities is there. And this is unfortunately the fate of humanity since too many centuries.

What if we dissociate ourselves from our mind ? What if we consider the idea that we are perhaps something biggest than the mind ? What if we consider that all contents of our mind is just circumstantial, not existential ? In this case the differences between human beings will dissolve gradually and a true brotherhood or sisterhood will emerge from this simple idea. With ego, we are likely to fight each others in cold or hot wars. With dissociation with mind we're likely to be more loving, more compassionate.

A world of automata

The mind is the the realm of concepts, of ideas. Mind loves abstractions. It is a great tool to make science. In physics, for example, when studying celestial objects movement, even a huge and complex object like the planet Jupiter is abstracted to a single mathematical point where the whole mass of the planet is concentrated in its “center”. This kind of abstraction or simplification is a great tool in science and Mind loves it. So Mind use and abuse of concepts and abstractions, even in day to day life, even in personal and social interactions … And this is precisely the curse. Other human beings are no more living, complex, changing and tremendously beautiful beings. For the thinking mind, they are just concepts : customer, wife, husband, stranger, etc. After the first glimpse to a human being met in the street, the conceptual mind quickly provide some label we attached to the person. And we miss the reality of the being. Even at home when we're back from the office or the factory, me immediately attach labels and definitions to the “objects” at home : wife or husband, kids, television, fridge, etc. Almost we make no difference between inanimate objects and living human beings. We don't acknowledge the reality of human beings and see them just as concepts and abstractions. Even worse, we can attach some negative labels to our fellow human beings : wife or husband could be a synonym of fight, a Muslim is synonym of terrorist, an American is synonym of Satan, etc. The reality of a human being is lost in these labels.
This process of labeling trigger also some predefined and not conscious reactions. If we see a flower in the best case it triggers an automatic sentence as “this rose is beautiful”. If someone irritates us in the traffic, it triggers some predefined pattern of anger, etc.
So when we're identified with mind we're no more alive and alert we just automatically and unconsciously attach labels and react upon some predefined mind patterns and we miss the whole life. We miss the beauty of the world, of the nature, of the human beings. Each living being in this planet is a miracle. Each human being is probably the highest expression of Life in this planet. Even if he or she is unaware of that, behind the thick curtain of thoughts there's Life, there's tremendous beauty. And if we're alert, we can see and appreciate this beauty in every body. In the other hand, when identified with mind we're just an automaton more or less intelligent than man made computers.

Personal suffering

We can suffer either physically from illness for example or psychologically from negative emotions. But emotions are just the expression of thoughts in the body. A thought materialize itself either as an action or as an emotion. When we're identified with the mind, we start being identified with emotions too, especially negative emotions. The process of identification with negative emotions is loved by the ego since it enhanced its self esteem. It is the same process with positive emotions too or with possessions. Ego loves anything that is special to him, either positive or negative.
And this is the source of most suffering in the world. There are certainly objective reasons to suffer, but the main source of suffering is all the negative thoughts created or “picked up” by the mind. 10% is perhaps the original cause of suffering and the other 90% is the negative thoughts created around the original suffering. For example if I'm ill, my mind is likely to create or pick up negative ideas like “what if I couldn't work anymore ? Who will pay my bills ? How will I pay my children education ? Etc. And these negative ideas hurt more than the original illness. The physical illness could be cured in few days but the emotional suffering could last several weeks or months.

How to dissolve the ego

We saw that ego is defined as the process of identification with the mind. The Ego is also the main cause of most of our individual and collective sufferings. How can we diminish the influence of the Ego in our Life ? We can step out of the ego "simply" by watching our thoughts and not identifying with them. We are not the mind and its contents. All our memories, ideas, thoughts, etc, are just dust we've gathered during our lifetime, since we cling to them. This dust covers our internal mirror from reflecting the beauty of the world. If we let go all these thoughts and not feed them with our attention, they will no more contribute to the dust. And the presence gained in this process will help suppress the old dust also. So let's be alert to the incessant traffic of thoughts in our mind and not pay too much attention to them. But beware not to be trapped in the other polarity : fighting or not accepting the contents of our mind. Let's be friendly with our mind. It's a complex, wonderful and powerful tool when used rightly in dealing with practical matters in science or any aspect of practical life. But Mind is also a powerful antenna gathering and accumulating many thoughts circulating around, especially the negative ones. So let's be aware and not enthrone Mind as our master making us running after any thought he gathers. Let's accept all the contents and the traffic of thoughts and ideas in our mind, without judging them and without following them either. Let's create some space between us, as a conscious being, and the incessant traffic in our mind. We can just look at them the same way we look at the clouds passing in the sky. We can appreciate the traffic of thoughts, the numerous forms and shapes they take. We can watch the strategies of the mind to get our attention to pull us towards this or that thought. It is a game with the mind. Let's be playful. The playfulness is the key secret to have a still mind. Since what we resist persist. If we resist a thought, it will gain energy. If we simply watch it, it will pass … too … As any thing in this world.

Concluding

Finally I'd like to share with you a personal experience with my own ego. Sometimes I have to do some new exciting and useful project in my life. So I use my mind to set up the project, make a plan, prepare all the prerequisites, etc. All this mind activity is good and useful. But after finalizing all what I can think and do in the present moment, instead of stopping my mind, be still and live and appreciate the present moment, my mind wouldn't stop. My mind has got so much momentum that it wouldn't stop anymore. I start thinking about future, the outcome of the project, the impact on people, on my own life, etc. Or my mind will replay the same scenario of the imagined execution of the project endlessly. I know that all this thinking is useless. It is either speculative projections about future or stupid repetitive thoughts, but my Ego loves them since they generate emotions of satisfactions. For example satisfaction of being successful in this project or being appreciated by other people, etc. I know all that, but I can't help seeing my mind running at fast speed and not wanting to stop. I try to direct my attention to my breathing or to my inner body, but a few seconds later, the mind restart playing the same record again and again. So instead of fighting my mind and trying hard to stop my mind using some mantras or replacing those repetitive ideas by other ideas; or instead of being angry against my own mind, I just try to be alert from time to time and acknowledge that my mind wouldn't stop, that  my mind has gained too much momentum that it becomes non stoppable. So I laugh to myself and try to remain watchful of my mind in the brief instants between thoughts, and be patient until my mind calms down and the storm is over. Doing so, I don't feed my ego, and all the instants of alertness are not lost, they come fuel the pool of alertness and presence in the core of my being. Next time those instants of presence will be longer, the gaps between thoughts larger, the presence deeper and the ego weaker. And this all what this article is about : how to make our ego weaker and weaker until it dissolves totally.

Osho m'a tuer

Osho smile ...
How could this beautiful divine being be a murderer ?

In a famous french criminal case, a dying woman wrote on the wall, with his own blood, the name of his supposed murderer. "Omar m'a tuer" (Omar killed me. The typo in the original phrase had been long discussed), was this sentence, I'm paraphrasing here.
Osho is perhaps the greatest master ever walked on this earth these last centuries. So, how could he be a murderer ? Upon the saying of Osho himself, a Master is a synonym of Death. Not of your body but of your mind. It is an utter death when you surrender to a master. Even the death which takes the body, the hopes, the dreams, could not take away the whole mind. But a master do ...
In this article I'm talking about my own death history. Unlike Mrs Marchal in the french case, I'm not writing with my blood, but with my heart... Stating that I'm now already dead would be a lie. I'm still, not only living in my body, but in my mind too. A dreaming, an illusory life, but I'm still alive. My ego is still there ... But the countdown has already started ... The journey has not yet finished. But I'm enjoying this trip. So, I would like the share this joy with you.

1- The Beginning

1963 : Birth at Casablanca from Muslim parents

I don't remember well my early childhood but I think it was a joyful childhood like other children. But I remember one thing : I hated my first school when I was 4 or 5 years old. My elder brother and his friends took me "manu militari" to the school. The teacher was violent against some children and I hated this class even if I had never been stricken by this teacher.

1975 : First real interest in religion

12 years old I heard some verses from Quran read. It was about prayer and hell, etc. I was deeply moved by theses verses. Not only the meaning of the words but also by the music, the sounds of the words. It was a strong and beautiful music. Since this date I told my father that I'd like to learn Quran. Later I was trapped by a fundamentalist Islamic movement, but fortunately we were wise enough not to fall in terrorism, many years before Alqaida. My interest for Islam was later mixed with science and philosophy and then Sufism...

1978 : Romantic Love

As a teenager I discovered my own body, not understanding what happened to me ... But still trying intimate and forbidden pleasures ... Later I discovered romantic love. In silence, I "fall in love" with many girls in my family or in the school. I could not tell anybody even the girl object of love. Decency did not permit that, in those times. Never the love was expressed in any intimate relation with any girlfriend. But I wrote some love poems, just for myself. Enjoying writing and reading these poems in the beach, sitting in front of the Atlantic ocean.  But the greatest romantic and authentic love was for a girl in my family.. Eight years later, we will be husband and wife, for the remaining of this lifetime ...

1982 : A young Moroccan student in France

This first travel to France which will last for 8 years, was a blessing for me. It allowed me to have a stand back from my religion and country. I knew that there is no unique truth. But each country, each culture claims that his truth is The Truth ! Even in the domain of food. Moroccans say that their cookery is the best in the world. In France they claim that their cook and their chefs are the greatest in the world ! So, this broaden my mind and the seeking of God deepens.

1990 : a Muslim in the church

I was just a young graduate engineer from France when I accompanied a friend of mine to the Sunday mass. Just for the joy of sharing. I was a Muslim but I appreciate my christian friends. I have also friends who are atheist. We are all the same brotherhood.

1990-2006 : crossing the desert

This period of my current lifetime was a real mess. Not knowing what I want, what to do, what to think, what to feel... Often I drown myself in the work, the ambitions, the desires, book reading, science, philosophy, Islam ... Sometimes, I really enjoy the presence of my children and my wife during a Holiday trip or a weekend. But still I feel that something is missing in my life. 

During this period, my elder son became blind. A big shock in my life. Why this unfairness ? What am I done wrong ? But eventually the storm calms down. Thanking God for all his decisions. Who know ? A curse today could be a blessing tomorrow. So accept and surrender to God. This is the best, the king way...

One day  I see a TV report on pilgrimage in Makkah. I was alone. Tears come to my eyes and I know that I should go to Hajj to experience peace of the soul. In 2006 I went to Makkah for hajj. You have a report here. It was a great spiritual experience, but still something was missing in my life.

2- The Awakening

2010 : Alaa Alsayid site : amazing Arabic website

I was looking for books about Sufism and I stumbled upon this amazing and beautiful site : AlaalSayid.com I first don't understand what this guy, Alaa Alsayid, was talking about. For me it was  nonsense, but beautiful nonsense ... So, I keep reading, listening to his music, reading his jokes, his magazines and finally I had a look to his download area, where I found "The Freedom of choice". Later I found Osho books there too. Thank you so much Alaa. Your site was the biggest gift in my life. This is why I'm sharing here my own nonsense. Perhaps it may trigger something in another seeker as Alaa Sayid did with me. I will remain always grateful for this guy. Thank you Alaa.

2010 : The freedom of choice, Thomas Chalko

This book  was a big event, a turning point in my life. I read the book in an arrow during one night and I was deeply moved by this reading. I read it a second time ... Later, I read all articles written by Thomas Chalko.  For the first time an authentic scholar, a physicist, talking of religion using real scientific tools and methods, not using propaganda. Reading Thomas Chalko writings lead me to the extraordinary "Thiaoouba Prophecy". What a beautiful and deep story ! I read it two or three times and certainly will read it more... What a joy ... What a pleasure ... What a prayer ... It is a must to read !

2011 : Osho

I stumbled upon "Tears of The Mystic Rose" relating the story of Rajneesh enlightenment. The first reading, I didn't understand most of the book. The terms like sanyassin, bhagwan, were very strange and unknown for me, but still something touched my heart. The arrow reached the target ... Later I discovered Osho writings. What a big event in my live. I can't stop reading book after book. Osho hypnotized me even if his discourses are old (70s and 80s). First he attracted my attention since he is claiming to be a Sufi. I love the Sufism. A Sufi who resolve for me the contradiction between my birth religion and other main religions Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, etc. I never accepted the statement that "our religion" is the "last" and "best" religion in the world. I always thought if I was born in a Christian or a Hindu country I would say something else. Eventually, Osho reconcile for me all world religions in a beautiful attitude based on a scientific approach with unconditional love. Firstly I stayed a Muslim searching in Osho discourses what support my birth religion. But finally, Osho shattered all my beliefs ... I'm no more a Muslim as before. This is why I said "Osho m'a tuer" (Osho killed me). I'm now a free seeker longing for God and accepting that many paths and religions can lead to the same Source.

July 2011 : catalepsy

I was on vacation with my family. One morning before waking up in a campground where I was sleeping under the open sky, I was paralyzed, I can't move my body nor utter a single word. It is not the first time this occurs to me. Many times and along many years it occurs for me and for others, I think. We call it here in morocco "bughattat". We consider this phenomenon as a kind of nightmare or an action of Satan to frighten us. Even it is frightening, I was used to it, so usually I wait until I could move again and wake up. But this time, and for the first time in my lifetime, I realized that it is a proof that I am not the body. I thought, as Islamic religion stated, man's soul leaves his body during sleep. And I understand "bughattat" as a failed return of the soul to the body. For an unknown reason, the return to the body don't occur as smoothly as it should. With this instant understanding,  instead of getting frightened as usually, I made a slow breathing and imagined myself entering the body from the navel (thanks Osho) and immediately I opened my eyes ! It was a big satisfaction and victory for me. For the first time, I am aware and convinced of my separation from my body. It was my first glimpse of OBE (Out of Body Experience).

August 1st, 2011 : professional turning point

I'm made redundant by my employer. But I was utterly convinced that God has chosen the best for me. I'm 48 years old. Instead of depressing, I enjoy my new life and started immediately a new business in developing computer programs and giving training. Almost one year later, I know now that it was a blessing for me to be fired from my old job. I can manage my work time as I like. I spend more time with my family. With my blind son. I earn a bit less but I work and live better. No stress no absurd projects. I can read and meditate as I like. Thanks God.

October 2011 : I'm now a vegetarian.

No meat, no fish, no eggs. But enjoying all the fruits and vegetables given by God. At the beginning my family didn't accept easily this fact, but now, eight months later, my new diet seems natural.

January 2012 : I'm an Osho sanyassin

Reading Osho for more than one year. Meditating and praying give me a stand back from my birth religion, Islam. Now, I'm  convinced that my birth religion, Islam, is as true and worth as any other religion in the world. I'm still practicing Islamic rituals, but my soul is free.  

In the other hand, I can't tell my beloved ones, friends, family, that most of their beliefs could be just nonsense ! Till I have formal proofs by transforming my own being, I can't ask them to replace a belief by another belief. It would be stupid ! I love too much people around me and I would like to share with them all what I discovered. But I must wait and love them in silence. The day will come when I will know the reality of universe and then I can share with them, not before. Sharing existentially not intellectually ... I can share only what I have ...  My knowledge is almost void since I've thrown away all what I knew. But my love is real, big and unconditional ...

Now, I consider myself as an Osho sanyassin since I love too much this man. I never met him. Now he is dead. But I would love to meet Rajneesh, his former sanyassin and now devotee ... I would love to drown myself in his eyes ... eat and drink him utterly ... I'm so longing to God, and he is my star gate... A living Bouddha, is the nearest door to attain God for seekers like me. Eyes who have seen God can lead you to our Beloved. Dead masters like Osho, Mohamed or Jesus are in a realm far from our understanding and our feeling ... how can a beginning seeker contact them ? feel them ? They are present in each wind breeze, in each flower fragrance, in each child smile, in each sunrise, but we miss them. We can just love and wait ... But a living Bouddha is a shortcut to the Divine. Can I be blessed one day and meet Rajneesh ? Even if I meet him, am I ready to drink him silently ? Am I ready to die in his feet ? Many times in this or in other lifetimes we met other Buddhas, other great masters, but we missed them. Fast asleep we were, fast asleep we are ... So, I can't afford this to happen again. So, I'm not in hurry to meet him. I'm preparing myself to this great coming day ...

May 19, 2012 : strange "boom" in the night

About 5am, a stifled "boom" shook the building where I live. Three other persons in my neighborhood heard the sound and felt the shake. It is not an earthquake, not a terrorist attack. Till now (November 16th) I don't know what happened this night. Newspapers didn't report it. My live tweet on twitter.com didn't get any echo. This event, I think, is not related with my path to God, but he reminded me a previous earthquake which scared me last year. Moreover, we are in 2012, the year of all possibilities ...

May 29, 2012 : How I stumble upon Adrian Cooper writings

A friend of our family died. I went to his funerals. I know that death is a good news, a beautiful event for the person who died, especially for this person who was old and ill and a very good person. I decided to search in Internet some articles about life after death, I stumbled upon an article written by Adrian Cooper. Later I downloaded an eBook :"The Ultimate Reality of Universe and Human Kind". I couldn't help keep reading and reading. I stopped all my current reading of Osho and start Adrian Cooper. Osho explained me many misunderstood concepts or not detailed in my birth religion Islam, and Adrian explained me many things not detailed by Osho... Not only the book, I read avidly "The Truth about 2012", "Science of Being in 7 Lessons", "the Quantum Matrix", the weekly newsletters ... every thing from Adrian. Not only I read, but I start practicing every thing but slowly and step by step. For example, AP/OBE (Astral Projection, Out of Body Experience) during sleep and concentration exercises during my daily walk on the beach ... I am progressing in many fronts at once and I enjoy that. It is so exciting !

June 11, 2012 : pre-OBE #1

After reading the chapters about Astral Projection and Out of Body Experience in "The Ultimate Reality of Universe and Human Kind", I decided to do AP or OPE that coming night. About 5 am I woke up with the feeling of vibrations over my entire body. I instantly recognize the pre-OBE vibrations. My wife was sleeping just next me. It is not convenient to relax and let the OBE going on. But the real problem is that I was so excited by the idea of OBE that I couldn't stay relax and passive. Thoughts scramble in my mind and it was difficult to continue. The vibrations are lost and I'm fully awake. I will resume another day... But I'm so happy, so grateful. I'll be never be the same after this first glimpse in my path.

June 14, 2012 : pre-OBE #2

After an afternoon of hard work, I relaxed at home and continue my reading of the eBook "The Ultimate Reality of Universe and Human Kind". At 11:00 pm I decided to sleep with the strong intent to do an Astral Projection (AP). So I repeat to myself non stop "I am out of my body" in my mother tongue, Arabic. Since I don't like using alarm clock, I decided to wake up about 4:00 am. Before falling into sleep, I continue to repeat my statement "I am out of my body". About 1 hour later, something woke me up, but only my Mind was wake up, my body was still asleep. Not just fast asleep but He/I was snoring !!! Since I'm on my back and the pillow is not exactly on the right position, I, my body, was snoring and I was witnessing this fact !! Immediately I recognize the vibrations of pre-OBE and I enjoy that but I'm so frightened hearing my own snoring for the first time, in a manner which recalled me the death. This snoring was for me like the sound of a sheep just being slaughtered and emitting a like-snoring sound !! (I'm born a Muslim and several times I witnessed sheep slaughter during Eid Elkebir) So the idea of death entered my mind ... Since I get frightened, I "help" my body to better breathing ... How stupid I was ! I lost immediately the awareness of my body sleeping but the vibrations didn't stop instantly. So I tried to continue but I realized it was then futile. I will resume another day. How ironic, I was convinced that the death doesn't frighten me, but I was wrong. The witnessing for the first time of my own natural snoring, scared me and the fear of death enter immediately in my mind. So I lost my real first opportunity to OBE. But I'm now pretty sure that there will be many others opportunities and I will succeed, even before my enlightenment. This is not the first time I read about MABA (Mind Awake Body Asleep), but I never succeeded like this night. And I thought that MABA is only for enlightened persons, not for the lambda seekers like me. Even though my failure this night, I was so excited, so happy, so confused. First : OBE is real, what Adrian Cooper write in his book about OBE and AP is a reality. Second : It is a reality even for a humble seeker like me ! What a great news ! what a wonderful fact ! What a lovely gift ! Thank you, thank you thank you countless times Adrian ! You give me a quantum leap in my path. I was sure that one day I will attain MABA but I never thought it would be so soon ! Of course I couldn't any more sleep and I couldn't tell anybody of my first glimpse to MABA, a first step to the wonderful Astral Worlds or to the Etheric travels. So I go out under the sky, walking slowly and thanking God, Osho, Rajneesh, Adrian Cooper and all the people who help me in my path till now. I stared to Antares, the super giant star in the Scorpion constellation. I used to give it as example of super giant star which diameter is greater than Sun-Earth distance ! I thought : now It is possible for me to see Antares closely, to visit the Sun, Venus, Saturn and its beautiful rings. I am passionate about astronomy and my 10' telescope is not so accurate to show me the planets as I want to see them. But now with OBE and the discovery of my etheric body, I'll able to see the exact reflection of all these beautiful objects as real as in the physical world ! When I was a kid I dream to be an astronaut when I'll be adult. Later I know It is just a dream. And until now, and I am 49 years old, when I see the stars in the sky, often the tears come to my eyes : when will I be able to visit those stars like the great mystics who explore the entire universe without spacecraft ? Is my dream near to be a reality ? Certainly, because what Adrian Cooper wrote in his book is right so far. Why doubting the remaining of this fabulous adventure ! I started immediately, and continue next morning, to make a mind list of persons I'd like to visit during my etheric travels : first Adrian Cooper to thank him and discuss his book with him and ask him some guidance in my path. Next person : Rajneesh, an enlightened person and former Osho sanyassin. I love this guy since I read all of his books especially "Tears of the Mystic Rose". Next in the list : Osho, if I can communicate with a person who has joined God. Next in the list : some persons who has already died especially a person who I've seen recently in a dream (zendafou)...

June 15, 2012 : start of this diary

I started to write this retrospective "diary" describing my path back to our Source. It may help some seekers who are, like me, fast asleep but on their path to enlightenment. Today, I'm sure that I'm on the right path. I can see, touch, feel my own enlightenment. If not in this lifetime, perhaps in the next or any coming lifetime. I'm no more in hurry. There are too many experiences to enjoy with the fabulous bodies ! Now, I know exactly the goal of my life : "my drop to be, again, united and dissolved in God's ocean". I know also how to be conscious of my enlightenment and get out of my deep sleep, now. This self conscious of my goal/path has lasted 48 years in the current lifetime and God know how many others lifetimes. I'm now too excited to know these "previous" or current/alternate lives, especially those where I'm a bird, an animal, a flower, a tree or a fish. I'm now feeling a greet oneness with all this creatures, animate or inanimate. Who know, perhaps I'm watering myself when I water my balcony plants or perhaps I'm playing with myself when I play with the dog of my neighbor ...

June 16, 2012 : pre-OBE #3

I enjoy my run of 20 kms in Casablanca, like each Saturday. It is a kind of meditation for me. During more than 2,5 hours I concentrate alternatively on each muscle and organ of my body. It is such lovely feeling to see how the entire body is cooperating to make a run. I'm to grateful to God for giving me this fabulous body. Back to home, and after a shower and a light meal, I decided to do a nap and of course to make an AP (Astral Projection) or an OBE (Out of Body Experience). Unlike two days before, I didn't attain the "MABA" (Mind Awake Body Asleep) and the vibrations preceding it, but I felt the heaviness of my body and there was a moment when I felt some tickling in my top head (probably my crown chakra activity). But I'm happy, it's certainly a progress even if it is less far than the other day. But I learned from the waves of the ocean on the shore : they are coming and going in what seems to be chaotic and non progressive. But when the high tidal is coming, It is not perceptible but it is surely coming. I am sure that my tidal is coming and I will soon experience an OBE or an AP.

June 16th - November 16th, 2012 : OBE/AP flop

Five months after my first glimpse of OBE/AP I'm no more capable of having any little beginning of OBE. Impossible to relive those fabulous moments... I tried and tried, but nothing happens. Even during my last pilgrimage to Makkah, I tried ... Utter failure. What happens ? What goes wrong ? 

During many weeks I didn't understand the meaning of absence of any glimpse to OBE/AP. Now,  I know where I failed : the Desires : after the first pre-OBE on June the 14th, I started dreaming and desiring : visit the galaxy, contact some dead or  remote persons, etc. But when desire, comes, the mind comes, the greed comes and the innocence goes ... OBE/AP are gifts, but are also a kind of power. God can not trust a non innocent mind, a desiring mind, a cunning mind and give him such power. When a gift is given by God to a person, He is sure he will not misuse it. But how can an ego be trusted ? These spiritual experiences are not a result of a doing, a practice, they are just gifts from God, without any doing from our side. We have just to relax, to let go, to celebrate the life and the gifts we already have. If we desire other things we forget our present, we forget what we already have and instead of living here and now, we project ourselves in the future. This is how I can miss God. So I learned the lesson : never desire, never expect anything. If some beautiful experience happens, OK beautiful, I can share it or no with my beloved ones. If nothing special happens, OK, it's beautiful too. I feel gratitude and love towards God and I will go farther and farther in my path returning to Him. Any desire is a back step far away from Him.

Conclusion 

I first wrote this diary to myself to measure my progress in my spiritual path with a confused idea that someday I'll share it. But recently I feel liking to share my experience with other seekers and spiritual beginners all over the world. I hope this will help you trust your heart, listen to you inner voice and surrender to your inner master. 

With deep and unconditional love and ... longing.