I am a spiritual ego ... but I' curing myself

Source Photo : The ego's bad rap

In a previous post,we saw that our ego is the identification with the contents of our mind. We also realize that this identification is the main source of many diseases in the world during thousands and thousands of years. In this text, we will see that we are either fully awaken or we are an "old good" ego. Perhaps a spiritual ego, but still an ego ... ! There is no area between a Buddha and an ego ! This is the bad news, dear reader :-(
The good news is the fact that each one of us, fellow seeker, is probably experiencing the most significant event in his lifetime. Spiritual ego or not, the qualitative leap has already happened : you know that you are not the content of your mind. Each one of us is likely living a unique and sacred experience. A beautiful cosmic event ! And this is not a poetic exaggeration. This beginning of awareness of the Consciousness of itself, at a large scale on Earth, is probably the major milestone in the wonderful evolution of human consciousness on this Planet. Technology and Science are nothing comparing to this huge evolution. Mind has produced Science and Technology, Beyond Mind is producing the New Man. We are really so blessed, so fortunate ! Deep and infinite gratitude to the Life ! 

This article is about this beautiful tale called human awakening and its corollary : spiritual ego.

Spiritual Ego

All spiritual teachers stress the fact that enlightenment or awakening is timeless. It is not for tomorrow. It is not in the future. It is not in another world. It is simply here and now. Either you are awaken or you're not. Either you're a Buddha or you're an ego. If you think you will be a Buddha, you're missing the point by introducing psychological time and instead of being closer, you're going away from enlightenment ! It is puzzling for the mind ! He starts being more “spiritual”, more loving, more compassionate and in this very doing, he is cutting the ground from under his own feet ! Isn't that unfair ? What is wrong in trying to be “spiritual” ? What is wrong in doing good things ? What is wrong in thinking and practicing beautiful ideas ?
Nothing is wrong with all that of course … if you don't identify with the new “spiritual” mind. When there is a spiritual awakening, we start changing our behavior towards human beings, towards life and life situations. We become more loving, more compassionate and in most cases, these changes are beneficial for our environment. They are of course a welcome changes, a blessing for individuals and the planet. But until our personality has totally dissolved, until our mind is utterly silent, what we are doing is just replacing some ideas, some behaviors with others. We also substitute our old beliefs with some less strong ones. Moreover, not all our doing is originated from our core being. Most of them are still originated from our “new” mind, our “new” spiritual thinking our new set of thoughts ! Last but not least, since we are not yet enlightened and we don't really know first hand The Truth and since we love so much our spiritual teachers or gurus, we are on a slippery slope leading us to the belief of many things our teachers say they have known. They warned us not to believe, but to experience what they are talking about. We can't listen to this warning. Since we are still trapped in our mind, we believe first in those ideas and we hope that in some future we will experience them. This is the spiritual ego : an identification with a new set of thoughts, ideas, known to be “spiritual”, “new age” or any other label you give them.

Escaping the unescapable

We've just seen how the Spiritual Ego is almost an inevitable outcome for any spiritual seeker. We can't avoid the mind. Until we're enlightened, we can't escape the mind. How can we break the vicious circle of thinking and deriving a personality from the process of thinking ?
“Simple” : alertness or watchfulness is our friend, our Saviour !
How does it work ?
If you have a new “good” thought or a “good” doing, just look at it. Don't think about it as a “good” thought or behavior. It is neither good nor bad. It is what it is. Don't label it. It is the product of this moment. Don't be ashamed or proud of it. If you enjoy the doing, do it. If you don't, drop it. In either cases, be watchful of your doing, thoughts and emotions. Don't forge a new personality out of them. You're not your doing, your thoughts or your emotions. You are the consciousness beyond all that. You are the space in which all those acts, emotions and thinking emerge and subside. They all pass, and you are always here as the witness.
So if you want not to replace an old ego by a new one, just watch your new ideas, emotions and doings too. They are seemingly new but in fact, it is the ego, aka the identification with mind, in another form. Sometimes the new spiritual ego is stronger than the former ! This is really unfortunate to jump from the frying pan into the fire. So be aware of this trap. Yes, acknowledge and perhaps welcome any new thinking or doing but don't identify with it. It is another thinking. Spiritual or not, it is mind stuff. You will transcend it too. Everything you can see, you can grasp, you can understand, is not you, can't be you. So don't identify with them.
Yes, as a Truth Seeker, you are a Spiritual Ego, but your Ego is weaker than your old one. More important, with the old ego, you were unconsciously and strongly identified. With the new one, you play hide and seek. Sometimes you're asleep and you start believing you're your new personality, but a moment later you're watchful of your sleep and you step out of your mind. This way, you replace your old strong ego with an new one who is weakening every moment, who is burning in the fire of the alertness until it dissolved. An you are free from the mind, spiritual or not, religious or not. You transcend all possible contents of the mind.

Accessing the Timeless Dimension

I stressed before that the introduction of psychological time, in the form of a hope of awakening in the future, is just another thought. Like any other desire, spiritual or not, it is unfortunately a repulsive force pushing us away from enlightenment. But how can we avoid thinking about the future ? We stated before that, as spiritual seekers, we are Spiritual Egos too. Our Mind says logically : if, now, I am not enlightened, I am still an ego and if Buddha state of consciousness is possible for me, it can be only in the future. There is no other possibility : either it is now or in the future. This rationale is logic. But Truth is beyond logic. Truth is simple, yet it is beyond the mind ! So the question is how to be free from psychological time ? how to access the timeless dimension of our core being ? How to be enlightened here and now, not in the future ?
“Simple” : you're already enlightened ! There is nothing to add to yourself, you need just to deepen the awareness of present moment until you realize your true being !
How can we deepen the awareness of the present moment to realize our true being ?
Each time you're aware that you're lost in your personality try to reconnect yourself gradually with your being. You can for example use this three steps method, which essence is derived from Eckhart Tolle Teaching :

• First stage : relax and feel your body and sense perceptions. Pay attention to each part of your body. This automatically shift your consciousness from thinking. Remember this : Your body is your anchor each time you you are lost in thought. While you're feeling your body, activate all your sens perceptions. See, hear, smell and touch with full attention. This will reconnect you with the reality of the present moment.
  
• Second stage : you may remember Neo in Matrix movie, he was told to “Follow the White Rabbit” and a moment later the doorbell rings and a woman with a white rabbit tattoo was there. Following this sign will ultimately lead him to his awakening from the Matrix Dream. Here I shall say “Follow your Breath” ! Try not to change your natural breath pattern, just follow the movement of the air from the exterior to your abdomen and vice versa. Don't think about breathing, just follow the air movement with your attention, your awareness. This will deepen your feeling of your inner body and the connexion with your environment. In this state relaxed, fully aware of your inner body and your environment, watch your mind. If any thought come up don't follow it, don't judge it “good” or “bad”, don't label it, analyze it, just allow it to be and let it go. Soon or later it will go if you don't fuel it by your consciousness. If the thought raises an emotion you will notice it since you're still feeling your entire body. It's beautiful to see the link between thoughts and emotions, but don't start thinking about it or analyzing yourself, just watch, feel and let go.
  
• Third stage : pay attention to the witness in you who is watching the body and the mind. You can't visualize or grasp it in your mind. Just feel and watch the watcher ! This is like facing two parallel mirrors one against the other. It produces an infinity of images. In a similar way, the witnessing of the witness is a great realization and an explosion of consciousness, deepening the feeling of present moment to infinity ... if I can express it so. In this stage, the psychological time stops and the boundaries of your body disappear. You are here and now from and for the eternity and you are one with the Consciousness who pervades the Universe and beyond.
  

These three stages are a way to access the timeless dimension of your being, each time you decide to do it. This process can be done any time, almost in every location. You need nothing to go through the three stages. You're already complete, nothing is missing in your true being. It is the right birth of every body to be in the state of Consciousness described in the third stage above, but not everybody, with any state of consciousness, can go through the three stages. And not anyone who realize the third stage could dwell in it or access it at will. Personally I have not yet realized the third stage. Does it mean I need future to realize it ? No. I'm already in it but I'm not aware of it.
Isn't that just playing with words ? No, I'll put it in another way in the conclusion.

Conclusion

Every time you are aware that you're trapped in your mind identity, instead of dreaming of a future awakening, which is a desire, a thought, introducing the psychological time. Instead of projecting yourself in the future, the very moment the desire come, try to deepen your alertness by going in the inner trip described in the three stages above. Even if you can't go deep and you are stuck in a superficial awareness, don't be disappointed. Every single moment of awareness gained at every stage, even for a fraction of second is important. It is another drop of water poured in your stream. And as you know, drop by drop a dry or little stream become a flowing river which ultimately merge with the infinite ocean. This process seems to need time to evolve : little stream – flowing river – infinite ocean, but it is not. In a narrow vision there is three separate objects stream-river-ocean. In a broader vision, there is one object : different forms of the ocean. You are already the infinite ocean. You are not separate from it. An enlightened person has access to this timeless dimension at will. A seeker can has glimpses of it. To increase the frequency of these glimpses, one has simply to drop any desire in the future, since it is mind stuff, obscuring his inner light. By trying to be receptive every moment, to still our mind every moment, to deepen our alertness every moment; one day, not in the future, but here and now, those glimpses will drown us in God Ocean.

What is the ego ?

Ego Dissolved by the Fire of Presence
Image created by free software Gimp using Noise Filter

Preamble

This is a spiritual, not a philosophical text. The main difference between the two forms of expression is the fact that a philosophical discussion concerns the mind only. The spirituality is existential. It concerns the core existence of the human being. It is all about the self transformation and has nothing to do with mind information. It helps you to unlearn mind patterns not to learn more knowledge. So you're warned dear reader : don't waste your time reading this text if you're not interested in ideas to be practiced in order to transform yourself. The goal is to be more still, more centered, more alert and more alive. Of course you may find some new information in this article, but instead of accumulating those ideas as knowledge in your mind, you can just play with them, try them, experience them in your day to day life. If it works, it's beautiful. If it doesn't work you can forget all about them.

I'd like to stress the fact that all ideas in this text are inspired by great teachers like Osho and Eckhart Tolle, are expressed in my simple language and are colored by my own humble experience.

Definition of Ego

The ego is in general associated with negative ideas like selfishness or to be self centered. But in spirituality and in Eckhart Tolle Teaching especially, it has a precise meaning : The Ego is the Process of Identification with Thoughts. There are two keywords in this definition : process and identification (with thoughts). So the first aspect of the ego is that it is a process, something dynamic and changing in the time. It is not a stable and unique state, it is a process. The second aspect is identification with thoughts or mind. Since the thoughts are continuously changing, the identification with them is also a flux, hence the dynamic aspect stressed previously. So, in spirituality, the ego has no moral definition, has nothing to do with religion, it is simply the process of identification with mind.

Almost in all cultures in Earth, we agree that a human being is not only the physical body. It is simple for us not to be identified with the body. But it is a far more challenging not to be identified with the contents of our mind. All our personal or collective memories and histories consist of thoughts and ideas in the mind. And we believe that we are those ideas : name, education, nationality, religion beliefs, etc. When the identification is so strong, some people are also ready to kill or to die for their ideas, for their beliefs, hence for the content of the mind. So the belief that we are this content is the ego. If you ask someone who is he, he will talk about his name, family, personal history, diplomas, degrees, etc. All that are thoughts in his mind and he is identified with them. This is the ego.

So what is wrong with being identified with the mind ? Why all spiritual teachers say that ego is the biggest curse for humanity today and a possible cause of our extinction as a species ? I'll expose below some diseases caused by the ego, either at the collective level or at the personal one.

The source of wars

Since the contents of human minds is all different, if we belief we are the mind, we also belief that we are different. But to be different could be a great quality if we think at it as an enrichment. But if we start believing that what we think is right and the other thinking is wrong, the seed of all wars and other calamities is there. And this is unfortunately the fate of humanity since too many centuries.

What if we dissociate ourselves from our mind ? What if we consider the idea that we are perhaps something biggest than the mind ? What if we consider that all contents of our mind is just circumstantial, not existential ? In this case the differences between human beings will dissolve gradually and a true brotherhood or sisterhood will emerge from this simple idea. With ego, we are likely to fight each others in cold or hot wars. With dissociation with mind we're likely to be more loving, more compassionate.

A world of automata

The mind is the the realm of concepts, of ideas. Mind loves abstractions. It is a great tool to make science. In physics, for example, when studying celestial objects movement, even a huge and complex object like the planet Jupiter is abstracted to a single mathematical point where the whole mass of the planet is concentrated in its “center”. This kind of abstraction or simplification is a great tool in science and Mind loves it. So Mind use and abuse of concepts and abstractions, even in day to day life, even in personal and social interactions … And this is precisely the curse. Other human beings are no more living, complex, changing and tremendously beautiful beings. For the thinking mind, they are just concepts : customer, wife, husband, stranger, etc. After the first glimpse to a human being met in the street, the conceptual mind quickly provide some label we attached to the person. And we miss the reality of the being. Even at home when we're back from the office or the factory, me immediately attach labels and definitions to the “objects” at home : wife or husband, kids, television, fridge, etc. Almost we make no difference between inanimate objects and living human beings. We don't acknowledge the reality of human beings and see them just as concepts and abstractions. Even worse, we can attach some negative labels to our fellow human beings : wife or husband could be a synonym of fight, a Muslim is synonym of terrorist, an American is synonym of Satan, etc. The reality of a human being is lost in these labels.
This process of labeling trigger also some predefined and not conscious reactions. If we see a flower in the best case it triggers an automatic sentence as “this rose is beautiful”. If someone irritates us in the traffic, it triggers some predefined pattern of anger, etc.
So when we're identified with mind we're no more alive and alert we just automatically and unconsciously attach labels and react upon some predefined mind patterns and we miss the whole life. We miss the beauty of the world, of the nature, of the human beings. Each living being in this planet is a miracle. Each human being is probably the highest expression of Life in this planet. Even if he or she is unaware of that, behind the thick curtain of thoughts there's Life, there's tremendous beauty. And if we're alert, we can see and appreciate this beauty in every body. In the other hand, when identified with mind we're just an automaton more or less intelligent than man made computers.

Personal suffering

We can suffer either physically from illness for example or psychologically from negative emotions. But emotions are just the expression of thoughts in the body. A thought materialize itself either as an action or as an emotion. When we're identified with the mind, we start being identified with emotions too, especially negative emotions. The process of identification with negative emotions is loved by the ego since it enhanced its self esteem. It is the same process with positive emotions too or with possessions. Ego loves anything that is special to him, either positive or negative.
And this is the source of most suffering in the world. There are certainly objective reasons to suffer, but the main source of suffering is all the negative thoughts created or “picked up” by the mind. 10% is perhaps the original cause of suffering and the other 90% is the negative thoughts created around the original suffering. For example if I'm ill, my mind is likely to create or pick up negative ideas like “what if I couldn't work anymore ? Who will pay my bills ? How will I pay my children education ? Etc. And these negative ideas hurt more than the original illness. The physical illness could be cured in few days but the emotional suffering could last several weeks or months.

How to dissolve the ego

We saw that ego is defined as the process of identification with the mind. The Ego is also the main cause of most of our individual and collective sufferings. How can we diminish the influence of the Ego in our Life ? We can step out of the ego "simply" by watching our thoughts and not identifying with them. We are not the mind and its contents. All our memories, ideas, thoughts, etc, are just dust we've gathered during our lifetime, since we cling to them. This dust covers our internal mirror from reflecting the beauty of the world. If we let go all these thoughts and not feed them with our attention, they will no more contribute to the dust. And the presence gained in this process will help suppress the old dust also. So let's be alert to the incessant traffic of thoughts in our mind and not pay too much attention to them. But beware not to be trapped in the other polarity : fighting or not accepting the contents of our mind. Let's be friendly with our mind. It's a complex, wonderful and powerful tool when used rightly in dealing with practical matters in science or any aspect of practical life. But Mind is also a powerful antenna gathering and accumulating many thoughts circulating around, especially the negative ones. So let's be aware and not enthrone Mind as our master making us running after any thought he gathers. Let's accept all the contents and the traffic of thoughts and ideas in our mind, without judging them and without following them either. Let's create some space between us, as a conscious being, and the incessant traffic in our mind. We can just look at them the same way we look at the clouds passing in the sky. We can appreciate the traffic of thoughts, the numerous forms and shapes they take. We can watch the strategies of the mind to get our attention to pull us towards this or that thought. It is a game with the mind. Let's be playful. The playfulness is the key secret to have a still mind. Since what we resist persist. If we resist a thought, it will gain energy. If we simply watch it, it will pass … too … As any thing in this world.

Concluding

Finally I'd like to share with you a personal experience with my own ego. Sometimes I have to do some new exciting and useful project in my life. So I use my mind to set up the project, make a plan, prepare all the prerequisites, etc. All this mind activity is good and useful. But after finalizing all what I can think and do in the present moment, instead of stopping my mind, be still and live and appreciate the present moment, my mind wouldn't stop. My mind has got so much momentum that it wouldn't stop anymore. I start thinking about future, the outcome of the project, the impact on people, on my own life, etc. Or my mind will replay the same scenario of the imagined execution of the project endlessly. I know that all this thinking is useless. It is either speculative projections about future or stupid repetitive thoughts, but my Ego loves them since they generate emotions of satisfactions. For example satisfaction of being successful in this project or being appreciated by other people, etc. I know all that, but I can't help seeing my mind running at fast speed and not wanting to stop. I try to direct my attention to my breathing or to my inner body, but a few seconds later, the mind restart playing the same record again and again. So instead of fighting my mind and trying hard to stop my mind using some mantras or replacing those repetitive ideas by other ideas; or instead of being angry against my own mind, I just try to be alert from time to time and acknowledge that my mind wouldn't stop, that  my mind has gained too much momentum that it becomes non stoppable. So I laugh to myself and try to remain watchful of my mind in the brief instants between thoughts, and be patient until my mind calms down and the storm is over. Doing so, I don't feed my ego, and all the instants of alertness are not lost, they come fuel the pool of alertness and presence in the core of my being. Next time those instants of presence will be longer, the gaps between thoughts larger, the presence deeper and the ego weaker. And this all what this article is about : how to make our ego weaker and weaker until it dissolves totally.