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| Osho smile ... How could this beautiful divine being be a murderer ? |
Osho is perhaps the greatest master ever walked on this earth these last centuries. So, how could he be a murderer ? Upon the saying of Osho himself, a Master is a synonym of Death. Not of your body but of your mind. It is an utter death when you surrender to a master. Even the death which takes the body, the hopes, the dreams, could not take away the whole mind. But a master do ...
In this article I'm talking about my own death history. Unlike Mrs Marchal in the french case, I'm not writing with my blood, but with my heart... Stating that I'm now already dead would be a lie. I'm still, not only living in my body, but in my mind too. A dreaming, an illusory life, but I'm still alive. My ego is still there ... But the countdown has already started ... The journey has not yet finished. But I'm enjoying this trip. So, I would like the share this joy with you.
1- The Beginning
1963 : Birth at Casablanca from Muslim parents
I don't remember well my early childhood but I think it was a joyful childhood like other children. But I remember one thing : I hated my first school when I was 4 or 5 years old. My elder brother and his friends took me "manu militari" to the school. The teacher was violent against some children and I hated this class even if I had never been stricken by this teacher.
1975 : First real interest in religion
12 years old I heard some verses from Quran read. It was about prayer and hell, etc. I was deeply moved by theses verses. Not only the meaning of the words but also by the music, the sounds of the words. It was a strong and beautiful music. Since this date I told my father that I'd like to learn Quran. Later I was trapped by a fundamentalist Islamic movement, but fortunately we were wise enough not to fall in terrorism, many years before Alqaida. My interest for Islam was later mixed with science and philosophy and then Sufism...1978 : Romantic Love
As a teenager I discovered my own body, not understanding what happened to me ... But still trying intimate and forbidden pleasures ... Later I discovered romantic love. In silence, I "fall in love" with many girls in my family or in the school. I could not tell anybody even the girl object of love. Decency did not permit that, in those times. Never the love was expressed in any intimate relation with any girlfriend. But I wrote some love poems, just for myself. Enjoying writing and reading these poems in the beach, sitting in front of the Atlantic ocean. But the greatest romantic and authentic love was for a girl in my family.. Eight years later, we will be husband and wife, for the remaining of this lifetime ...
1982 : A young Moroccan student in France
This first travel to France which will last for 8 years, was a blessing for me. It allowed me to have a stand back from my religion and country. I knew that there is no unique truth. But each country, each culture claims that his truth is The Truth ! Even in the domain of food. Moroccans say that their cookery is the best in the world. In France they claim that their cook and their chefs are the greatest in the world ! So, this broaden my mind and the seeking of God deepens.1990 : a Muslim in the church
I was just a young graduate engineer from France when I accompanied a friend of mine to the Sunday mass. Just for the joy of sharing. I was a Muslim but I appreciate my christian friends. I have also friends who are atheist. We are all the same brotherhood.1990-2006 : crossing the desert
This period of my current lifetime was a real mess. Not knowing what I want, what to do, what to think, what to feel... Often I drown myself in the work, the ambitions, the desires, book reading, science, philosophy, Islam ... Sometimes, I really enjoy the presence of my children and my wife during a Holiday trip or a weekend. But still I feel that something is missing in my life.
During this period, my elder son became blind. A big shock in my life. Why this unfairness ? What am I done wrong ? But eventually the storm calms down. Thanking God for all his decisions. Who know ? A curse today could be a blessing tomorrow. So accept and surrender to God. This is the best, the king way...
One day I see a TV report on pilgrimage in Makkah. I was alone. Tears come to my eyes and I know that I should go to Hajj to experience peace of the soul. In 2006 I went to Makkah for hajj. You have a report here. It was a great spiritual experience, but still something was missing in my life.
2- The Awakening
2010 : Alaa Alsayid site : amazing Arabic website
I was looking for books about Sufism and I stumbled upon this amazing and beautiful site : AlaalSayid.com I first don't understand what this guy, Alaa Alsayid, was talking about. For me it was nonsense, but beautiful nonsense ... So, I keep reading, listening to his music, reading his jokes, his magazines and finally I had a look to his download area, where I found "The Freedom of choice". Later I found Osho books there too. Thank you so much Alaa. Your site was the biggest gift in my life. This is why I'm sharing here my own nonsense. Perhaps it may trigger something in another seeker as Alaa Sayid did with me. I will remain always grateful for this guy. Thank you Alaa.
2010 : The freedom of choice, Thomas Chalko
This book was a big event, a turning point in my life. I read the book in an arrow during one night and I was deeply moved by this reading. I read it a second time ... Later, I read all articles written by Thomas Chalko. For the first time an authentic scholar, a physicist, talking of religion using real scientific tools and methods, not using propaganda. Reading Thomas Chalko writings lead me to the extraordinary "Thiaoouba Prophecy". What a beautiful and deep story ! I read it two or three times and certainly will read it more... What a joy ... What a pleasure ... What a prayer ... It is a must to read !2011 : Osho
I stumbled upon "Tears of The Mystic Rose" relating the story of Rajneesh enlightenment. The first reading, I didn't understand most of the book. The terms like sanyassin, bhagwan, were very strange and unknown for me, but still something touched my heart. The arrow reached the target ... Later I discovered Osho writings. What a big event in my live. I can't stop reading book after book. Osho hypnotized me even if his discourses are old (70s and 80s). First he attracted my attention since he is claiming to be a Sufi. I love the Sufism. A Sufi who resolve for me the contradiction between my birth religion and other main religions Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, etc. I never accepted the statement that "our religion" is the "last" and "best" religion in the world. I always thought if I was born in a Christian or a Hindu country I would say something else. Eventually, Osho reconcile for me all world religions in a beautiful attitude based on a scientific approach with unconditional love. Firstly I stayed a Muslim searching in Osho discourses what support my birth religion. But finally, Osho shattered all my beliefs ... I'm no more a Muslim as before. This is why I said "Osho m'a tuer" (Osho killed me). I'm now a free seeker longing for God and accepting that many paths and religions can lead to the same Source.July 2011 : catalepsy
I was on vacation with my family. One
morning before waking up in a campground where I was sleeping under the open sky, I was paralyzed, I can't move my body nor utter a single word.
It is not the first time this occurs to me. Many times and along
many years it occurs for me and for others, I think. We call it here
in morocco "bughattat". We consider this phenomenon as a kind of
nightmare or an action of Satan to frighten us. Even it is frightening, I was used to it, so usually I wait until I could move again
and wake up. But this time, and for the first time in my lifetime, I realized that it is a proof that I am not the body. I thought, as Islamic
religion stated, man's soul leaves his body during sleep. And I understand "bughattat" as a failed return of the soul to the body. For an unknown reason, the return to the body don't
occur as smoothly as it should. With this instant understanding, instead of getting frightened as usually, I made a slow breathing and
imagined myself entering the body from the navel (thanks Osho) and
immediately I opened my eyes ! It was a big satisfaction and victory
for me. For the first time, I am aware and convinced of my separation
from my body. It was my first glimpse of OBE (Out of Body Experience).
August 1st, 2011 : professional turning point
I'm made redundant by my employer. But
I was utterly convinced that God has chosen the best for me. I'm 48
years old. Instead of depressing, I enjoy my new life and started immediately a new business in developing computer programs and giving
training. Almost one year later, I know now that it was a blessing
for me to be fired from my old job. I can manage my work time as I
like. I spend more time with my family. With my blind son. I earn a bit less but I work
and live better. No stress no absurd projects. I can read and
meditate as I like. Thanks God.
October 2011 : I'm now a vegetarian.
No meat, no fish, no eggs. But enjoying
all the fruits and vegetables given by God. At the beginning my family didn't accept easily this fact, but now, eight months later, my
new diet seems natural.
January 2012 : I'm an Osho sanyassin
Reading Osho for more than one year. Meditating and praying give me a stand back from my birth religion,
Islam. Now, I'm convinced that my birth religion, Islam, is as true and worth as any other religion in the world. I'm still practicing Islamic rituals, but my soul is free.
In the other hand, I can't tell my beloved ones, friends, family, that most of their beliefs could be just nonsense ! Till I have
formal proofs by transforming my own being, I can't ask them to replace a belief by
another belief. It would be stupid ! I love too much people around me and I would like to share
with them all what I discovered. But I must wait and love them in silence. The
day will come when I will know the reality of universe and then I can share with them, not before. Sharing existentially not intellectually ... I can share only what I have ... My knowledge is almost void since I've thrown away all what I knew. But my love is real, big and unconditional ...
Now, I consider myself as an Osho sanyassin since I love too much this man. I never met him. Now he is dead. But I would love to meet Rajneesh, his former sanyassin and now devotee ... I would love to drown myself in his eyes ... eat and drink him utterly ... I'm so longing to God, and he is my star gate... A living Bouddha, is the nearest door to attain God for seekers like me. Eyes who have seen God can lead you to our Beloved. Dead masters like Osho, Mohamed or Jesus are in a realm far from our understanding and our feeling ... how can a beginning seeker contact them ? feel them ? They are present in each wind breeze, in each flower fragrance, in each child smile, in each sunrise, but we miss them. We can just love and wait ... But a living Bouddha is a shortcut to the Divine. Can I be blessed one day and meet Rajneesh ? Even if I meet him, am I ready to drink him silently ? Am I ready to die in his feet ? Many times in this or in other lifetimes we met other Buddhas, other great masters, but we missed them. Fast asleep we were, fast asleep we are ... So, I can't afford this to happen again. So, I'm not in hurry to meet him. I'm preparing myself to this great coming day ...
May 19, 2012 : strange "boom" in the night
About 5am, a stifled
"boom" shook the building where I live. Three other persons
in my neighborhood heard the sound and felt the shake. It is not an
earthquake, not a terrorist attack. Till now (November 16th) I don't know
what happened this night. Newspapers didn't report it. My live tweet on twitter.com didn't get any echo. This event, I think, is not related with my
path to God, but he reminded me a previous earthquake which scared me
last year. Moreover, we are in 2012, the year of all possibilities
...
May 29, 2012 : How I stumble upon Adrian Cooper writings
A friend of our family
died. I went to his funerals. I know that death is a good news, a
beautiful event for the person who died, especially for this person
who was old and ill and a very good person. I decided to search in
Internet some articles about life after death, I stumbled upon an
article written by Adrian Cooper. Later I downloaded an eBook :"The Ultimate Reality of Universe and Human Kind". I
couldn't help keep reading and reading. I stopped all my current
reading of Osho and start Adrian Cooper. Osho explained me many
misunderstood concepts or not detailed in my birth religion Islam,
and Adrian explained me many things not detailed by Osho... Not only
the book, I read avidly "The Truth about 2012", "Science of Being in 7 Lessons", "the Quantum Matrix", the
weekly newsletters ... every thing from Adrian. Not only I read, but
I start practicing every thing but slowly and step by step. For
example, AP/OBE (Astral Projection, Out of Body Experience) during sleep and concentration
exercises during my daily walk on the beach ... I am progressing in
many fronts at once and I enjoy that. It is so exciting !
June 11, 2012 : pre-OBE #1
After reading the
chapters about Astral Projection and Out of Body Experience in "The Ultimate Reality of Universe and Human Kind", I
decided to do AP or OPE that coming night. About 5 am I woke up with the
feeling of vibrations over my entire body. I instantly recognize the
pre-OBE vibrations. My wife was sleeping just next me. It is not
convenient to relax and let the OBE going on. But the real problem is that I
was so excited by the idea of OBE that I couldn't stay relax and
passive. Thoughts scramble in my mind and it was difficult to
continue. The vibrations are lost and I'm fully awake. I will resume
another day... But I'm so happy, so grateful. I'll be never be the same
after this first glimpse in my path.
June 14, 2012 : pre-OBE #2
After an afternoon of
hard work, I relaxed at home and continue my reading of the eBook
"The Ultimate Reality of Universe and Human Kind". At 11:00
pm I decided to sleep with the strong intent to do an Astral
Projection (AP). So I repeat to myself non stop "I am out of my
body" in my mother tongue, Arabic. Since I don't like using
alarm clock, I decided to wake up about 4:00 am. Before falling into
sleep, I continue to repeat my statement "I am out of my body".
About 1 hour later, something woke me up, but only my Mind was wake
up, my body was still asleep. Not just fast asleep but He/I was
snoring !!! Since I'm on my back and the pillow is not exactly
on the right position, I, my body, was snoring and I was witnessing
this fact !! Immediately I recognize the vibrations of pre-OBE
and I enjoy that but I'm so frightened hearing my own snoring for the
first time, in a manner which recalled me the death. This snoring was
for me like the sound of a sheep just being slaughtered and emitting
a like-snoring sound !! (I'm born a Muslim and several times I
witnessed sheep slaughter during Eid Elkebir) So the idea of death
entered my mind ... Since I get frightened, I "help" my
body to better breathing ... How stupid I was ! I lost
immediately the awareness of my body sleeping but the vibrations
didn't stop instantly. So I tried to continue but I realized it was then futile. I will resume another day. How ironic, I was convinced
that the death doesn't frighten me, but I was wrong. The witnessing
for the first time of my own natural snoring, scared me and the fear
of death enter immediately in my mind. So I lost my real first
opportunity to OBE. But I'm now pretty sure that there will be many
others opportunities and I will succeed, even before my
enlightenment. This is not the first time I read about MABA (Mind Awake Body Asleep), but I
never succeeded like this night. And I thought that MABA is only for
enlightened persons, not for the lambda seekers like me. Even though
my failure this night, I was so excited, so happy, so confused.
First : OBE is real, what Adrian Cooper write in his book about
OBE and AP is a reality. Second : It is a reality even for a
humble seeker like me ! What a great news ! what a
wonderful fact ! What a lovely gift ! Thank you, thank you
thank you countless times Adrian ! You give me a quantum leap in
my path. I was sure that one day I will attain MABA but I never
thought it would be so soon ! Of course I couldn't any more
sleep and I couldn't tell anybody of my first glimpse to MABA, a
first step to the wonderful Astral Worlds or to the Etheric travels.
So I go out under the sky, walking slowly and thanking God, Osho,
Rajneesh, Adrian Cooper and all the people who help me in my path
till now. I stared to Antares, the super giant star in the Scorpion
constellation. I used to give it as example of super giant star which
diameter is greater than Sun-Earth distance ! I thought :
now It is possible for me to see Antares closely, to visit the Sun, Venus,
Saturn and its beautiful rings. I am passionate about astronomy and
my 10' telescope is not so accurate to show me the planets as I want
to see them. But now with OBE and the discovery of my etheric body,
I'll able to see the exact reflection of all these beautiful objects
as real as in the physical world ! When I was a kid I dream to
be an astronaut when I'll be adult. Later I know It is just a dream.
And until now, and I am 49 years old, when I see the stars in the
sky, often the tears come to my eyes : when will I be able to visit
those stars like the great mystics who explore the entire universe
without spacecraft ? Is my dream near to be a reality ? Certainly, because what Adrian Cooper wrote in his book is right
so far. Why doubting the remaining of this fabulous adventure ! I
started immediately, and continue next morning, to make a mind list
of persons I'd like to visit during my etheric travels : first
Adrian Cooper to thank him and discuss his book with him and ask him
some guidance in my path. Next person : Rajneesh, an enlightened
person and former Osho sanyassin. I love this guy since I read all of
his books especially "Tears of the Mystic Rose". Next in the
list : Osho, if I can communicate with a person who has joined
God. Next in the list : some persons who has already died
especially a person who I've seen recently in a dream (zendafou)...
June 15, 2012 : start of this diary
I started to write this retrospective "diary" describing my path back to our Source. It may help some seekers
who are, like me, fast asleep but on their path to enlightenment.
Today, I'm sure that I'm on the right path. I can see, touch, feel my
own enlightenment. If not in this lifetime, perhaps in the next or
any coming lifetime. I'm no more in hurry. There are too many
experiences to enjoy with the fabulous bodies ! Now, I know
exactly the goal of my life : "my drop to be, again,
united and dissolved in God's ocean". I know also how to be
conscious of my enlightenment and get out of my deep sleep, now. This
self conscious of my goal/path has lasted 48 years in the current
lifetime and God know how many others lifetimes. I'm now too excited
to know these "previous" or current/alternate lives, especially those
where I'm a bird, an animal, a flower, a tree or a fish. I'm now
feeling a greet oneness with all this creatures, animate or
inanimate. Who know, perhaps I'm watering myself when I water my
balcony plants or perhaps I'm playing with myself when I play with
the dog of my neighbor ...
June 16, 2012 : pre-OBE #3
I enjoy my run of 20 kms
in Casablanca, like each Saturday. It is a kind of meditation for me.
During more than 2,5 hours I concentrate alternatively on each muscle
and organ of my body. It is such lovely feeling to see how the entire
body is cooperating to make a run. I'm to grateful to God for giving
me this fabulous body. Back to home, and after a shower and a light
meal, I decided to do a nap and of course to make an AP (Astral
Projection) or an OBE (Out of Body Experience). Unlike two days
before, I didn't attain the "MABA" (Mind Awake Body Asleep)
and the vibrations preceding it, but I felt the heaviness of my body
and there was a moment when I felt some tickling in my top head
(probably my crown chakra activity). But I'm happy, it's certainly a
progress even if it is less far than the other day. But I learned
from the waves of the ocean on the shore : they are coming and
going in what seems to be chaotic and non progressive. But when the
high tidal is coming, It is not perceptible but it is surely coming.
I am sure that my tidal is coming and I will soon experience an OBE
or an AP.
June 16th - November 16th, 2012 : OBE/AP flop
Five months after my first glimpse of OBE/AP I'm no more capable of having any little beginning of OBE. Impossible to relive those fabulous moments... I tried and tried, but nothing happens. Even during my last pilgrimage to Makkah, I tried ... Utter failure. What happens ? What goes wrong ?
During many weeks I didn't understand the meaning of absence of any glimpse to OBE/AP. Now, I know where I failed : the Desires : after the first pre-OBE on June the 14th, I started dreaming and desiring : visit the galaxy, contact some dead or remote persons, etc. But when desire, comes, the mind comes, the greed comes and the innocence goes ... OBE/AP are gifts, but are also a kind of power. God can not trust a non innocent mind, a desiring mind, a cunning mind and give him such power. When a gift is given by God to a person, He is sure he will not misuse it. But how can an ego be trusted ? These spiritual experiences are not a result of a doing, a practice, they are just gifts from God, without any doing from our side. We have just to relax, to let go, to celebrate the life and the gifts we already have. If we desire other things we forget our present, we forget what we already have and instead of living here and now, we project ourselves in the future. This is how I can miss God. So I learned the lesson : never desire, never expect anything. If some beautiful experience happens, OK beautiful, I can share it or no with my beloved ones. If nothing special happens, OK, it's beautiful too. I feel gratitude and love towards God and I will go farther and farther in my path returning to Him. Any desire is a back step far away from Him.
Conclusion
I first wrote this diary to myself to measure my progress in my spiritual path with a confused idea that someday I'll share it. But recently I feel liking to share my experience with other seekers and spiritual beginners all over the world. I hope this will help you trust your heart, listen to you inner voice and surrender to your inner master.
With deep and unconditional love and ... longing.
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